James's First Time,,,Changing a Diaper
by TeenTypist
Summary: Well, the title says it all, doesn't it? Featuring James, baby Harry, Lily, Alice, Frank, baby Neville, Remus, Sirius, and some crying dolls. Won't this be... er... interesting? James is at home babysitting (and can't change diapers) Lily & Alice at a spa
1. The Boys

Hey, this is another one that works with Dirty Diapers and Romantic Candlelight Dinner.

I hope you like it. It shows Lily in her overprotective "new mommy" phase and James in his bumbling "new daddy" phase.

Enjoy!

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            Lily hadn't left Harry's side for more than 20 minutes since he was born two weeks ago. She loved him dearly. But she needed to look after herself too, so James got her a gift certificate for a spa visit and told her that she really had to go. She had to stay healthy. She didn't want to go and leave her baby. She finally agreed after James pointed out that she couldn't take very good care of Harry if she ran herself to exhaustion and killed herself. She finally gave in. She even invited her sister Petunia to come to the spa with her, trying to salvage at least some tiny scrap of their relationship. James had no siblings and Lily wanted Harry to know his family, all of it. Petunia had had her son only a few months ago. Lily still hoped that maybe the two boys could grow up knowing each other. Maybe she and Petunia could work out their differences. So what if she'd called Petunia "Tuna" the last 3 times they fought, Tuna-face always called her a freak. That didn't mean they couldn't get along.

            But Petunia said no, she didn't want to go. So Lily invited her best friend Alice. Alice was so sweet. In fact, oddly enough her son had been born the same day as Harry, born premature by almost an entire month. Alice and Frank had double-dated sometimes with Lily and James during seventh year.

            "Goodbye, sweetie."

            "Aw, thanks, Lils."

            "I was talking to _Harry_, James."

            James's lip quivered, "You mean I'm not your sweetie anymore?"

            "Oh, come here you big baby." James didn't move. "Well?"

            "What?"

            "I told you to come here."

            "I thought you were talking to, Harry." James pouted.

            Lily sighed. James did look _so_ sexy when he pouted. "Give me a kiss."

            James's face brightened.

            "Not you, James. Harry." She tickled her baby boy who was being held in his father's arms.

            James's face fell again. After Lily told her son goodbye, she kissed James. First a tiny peck on the nose, then a nice full kiss on the lips. They were just about through kissing when a bell chimed. Someone had Apperated just inside the house. "Alice is here."

            "Go on."

            "Are you sure you'll be alright? You've never taken care of him for so long by yourself James. 4 hours is a long time. Especially for someone with absolutely no babysitting experience."

            "Go, Lily. I'll be fine. And if there are any problems, I'll just call over his Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus. Peter is visiting his mother I think." He saw that his wife was glaring at him. "Not that there are going to be any problems, of course," he added hastily.

            "Bye, James." She still didn't seem to want to leave.

            "Bye, Lils. Tell Alice to say hi to Frank for me."

            "I will," she promised. Frank and he hadn't been the best of friends at Hogwarts, but they got along well enough then and were fairly good friends now.

            James watched his wife walk downstairs to Apperate away with her friend. He was just about to turn around when Lily Aperated just inches from him. "Don't forget to heat his bottle for 4 minutes, don't let him drink it too quickly. He has to take his nap, but don't let him sleep too long or he'll be cranky, but make sure he gets enough rest otherwise he'll be cranky anyway. And—"

            "Lily, I can handle anything." He flashed her one of his most charming smiles, the smiles she had been impervious to when they were younger. It failed him again now.

            "If there are any problems, James, don't go to your bachelor friends. Go to Frank. Alice tells me his very good with the baby. They named him Neville. Isn't that a sweet name? Not as sweet as Harry, though of course."

            "Go on, Lily. You'll miss your appointment."

            "Spoil sport." She disappeared with a pop of air.

            "Okay, your Daddy's boy aren't you? Such a cute thing. Yes you are." He carried his son downstairs. Harry was so precious. His face was full of baby fat but it was already clear that he looked just like his dad. "You're going to break hearts someday, aren't you? You look just like your old man." James stopped. "Old man?" he croaked. He nearly cried. "I'm not old! Am I old? Please tell me I'm not old." Baby Harry didn't respond. It hadn't seemed so real before, but alone in the house with this baby it hit him like a ton of Galleons falling from the sky and hitting him on the head: He was a father. He was responsible for this boy's life, his upbringing, what he learned, what he ate, what he wore . . . It made James dizzy just to think about it.

            "Harry, am I a good father? Your mum and I, we're barely kids. I just finished my Auror training last month. Lils doesn't even have that book she wrote all the way through publishing yet. We've only been out of Hogwarts three years. We've only been married, what? A year and a half. Harry, am I ready to be a father?"

            The baby just sat there and stared at his father. Stared with Lily's eyes.

            Then baby Harry began to cry.

            "Lily! He's crying! What am I supposed to do?" he panicked. Lily wasn't home to tell him what Harry wanted. A voice echoed in his mind, "Don't forget to heat his bottle for 4 minutes" . . .

            That's right! Harry was hungry. He could do this. James picked a bottle up off of the couch. There was milk in there. He looked at it, remembering just where the milk had come from. But, it _looked_ like ordinary milk, he thought. It _smelled_ like ordinary milk.

            James heated the bottle, leaving Harry lying down on the couch. The 14-day-old baby couldn't sit up yet, heck, he couldn't roll over. James left him there.

            James brought back the bottle and tested it on his arm. He knew how to do at least that much. He'd seen Lils do it a million times. This kid was always eating.

            He sat on the couch and held Harry, supporting him in the right places (Lily had made sure to teach how to hold a baby using dolls, making sure before their son was born that his father would know how to hold him without breaking him). He fed him his bottle, telling him stories.

            "What are you going to be like, huh? Are you going to be a brainiac like your mum? Or are you going to be a prankster like your uncles and me? We were geniuses you know. Didn't always do our homework, but that's because we were lazy, not because we didn't know how. Lily was so mad when I beat in the O.W.L.s, she couldn't believe that 'That awful Potter boy' had beaten her. Yeah, your mum didn't like me too much back then. At least, she said she didn't. I always thought she fancied me and was too shy to say anything. What do you think?"

            Harry just kept drinking.

            "Good answer. I'm going to be the best dad I can, Harry. I promise you that now. I'll always look out for you. Always." James was no genius with children, but he'd come quite along way in the last two weeks.  When Harry finished his bottle, James put him up on his shoulder to burp him.

            "I love you, Harry. When you're older, I'm going to tell you about all my adventures at Hogwarts. I'll tell you about how I met your mum, how I finally got her to succumb to my irresistible charm, how I met your uncles, how I became an Animagus, how I snuck out to Hogsmeade with my friends. I'll tell you all the stories." He hugged his son. "Your uncles are good guys, Harry. Your mum likes them too, even if sometimes she'll say she doesn't. You're going to be the closest thing Remus ever has to a son. Your uncle Remus is a werewolf. He told us a long time ago that he was never going to marry or have kids. He didn't want to put anyone at risk that he didn't have to. And if he had a son or a daughter, there's a 50% chance that the baby would be a werewolf. So no son or daughter for him. I can't imagine life without you or Lils. Sirius will settle down someday. You're his godson."

            James rocked back and forward with the baby on his lap. "We're going to teach you to play Quiditch, to fly a motorcycle, to prank, and to study hard." He grinned. "You'll be brilliant. Just like your old m—just like me. You'll go off to Hogwarts and make as good friends as I did. If you have 1 good friend in your life that you can totally depend on, then you're a lucky man. I'm extremely lucky; I've got four counting your mum. By the time you get to Hogwarts, this war will be over. At least, I hope so." He sat gently rocking, with his baby boy in his arms.

            Harry rested quietly and James thought he could have sat there forever. After half an hour or so, he laid the baby down on the couch and went upstairs to get his mirror. He and Sirius had inventing these sometime ago. He brought it downstairs and put his son back in his lap.

            "Padfoot. Sirius Black," James said into the mirror.

            "Hey, James!" Sirius's big face appeared.

            "Ssh, quiet, Harry's asleep."

            "Turn the mirror so I can see the little fellow."

            James turned mirror.

            "Hey, Jamesie, he's cuter than you."

            "Stuff it, dog food breath." There was no malice in James's voice, just humor. James sniffed the air.

            "Now who's the dog?"

            "Something stinks. I think it's Harry."

            "He probably needs his diaper changed, mate." Sirius grinned.

            "I don't know how to change a diaper. Besides, he really smells! I think something died in there!"

            "It's not that hard," he was trying (and failing) not to laugh.

            "I can't do it."

            "You were man enough to create him but you aren't man enough to change his diaper?"

            "You come over and do it then."

            "Oh no. Not my mess. He's not mine. Besides, you fed him."

            "So?"

            "So, therefore, the mess that came out of him is your fault."

            "You don't know how to change a diaper either!" accused James. 

            "Well," started Sirius.

            "You had a brother. You should know how. At least I've got an excuse, I didn't have any siblings."

            "I'm only a year older than him, I was too young to change diapers. Besides, you know better than to mention him."

            "You're right. I'm sorry." Regulus was a very touchy subject.

            "I could go stick my face in the fire, talk to Remus, and send him over."

            "Right! Didn't he watch his cousins when they were younger?"

            "Why do you think I mentioned it?"

            "Oh. Right. Don't tell him why I need him, or he might not come."

            "Do you honestly think Remus would do that to you?"

            "Well, you do."

            "Oh, right. Be back in a jiffy."

            James waited and suddenly Remus and Sirius appeared almost simultaneously in his fireplace. "I thought you weren't coming?" James frowned.

            Sirius grinned. "I didn't say I wasn't coming, just that I wasn't helping."

            "So you're here to be a nuisance."

            "Basically."

            "Great."

            Remus sniffed the air. "What reeks?"

            "That'd be Harry," said Sirius.

            "Speaking of which, Remus, would you like to be my bestest friend in the whole wide world?" James asked hopefully.

            "I thought that was my job," said Sirius, pouting.

            "I thought that was Lily's job," said Remus. "Isn't she your 'bestest friend'?"

            "Well, you can be my new bestest friend!" James said brightly.

            "Sure, but I am _not_ changing that diaper." He crossed his arms.

            "Remus, Sirius, don't you guys love me anymore?"

            "No," they said in unison.  

            "Please?"

            Harry had started to cry.

            "James, change his diaper _now_. I hate to see my godson cry like that."

            "But—" he started.

            "Now, James!" Remus said sternly.

            His voice was small. "I don't know how. Remus, I called you over because you used to baby-sit your cousins when they were little, right?"

            "I did but by the time I was allowed to watch them, they were all potty-trained."

            "It can't be that hard, mate," said Sirius.

            James glared at him. "I've tried twice! The day Harry came home from the hospital and yesterday and _both_ times Harry ended up crying worse than ever!"        

            "That's probably because he was cold without his diaper on."

            "He was squirming so much I barely got it off him and I couldn't get a new one on at all," James said miserably.

            "I'm getting Frank," said Remus.

            "Why?" James stamped his foot childishly. 

            "I know you've had your differences but I thought you were over that now. Just because Lily let him kiss her under the mistletoe in fifth year and not you . . ."

            "But they both did that on purpose!"

            "James, calm down," said Sirius. "In fifth year, she thought you were an arrogant git and that Christmas _he_ was mad at you for bewitching his underwear to turn ice cold every time someone said his name. But she loves you now, so appreciate it. At least you've got somebody."

            "I'm sorry. Sirius, would you mind getting Harry's diapers and wipes and powder and junk from the nursery upstairs? Remus, could you get Frank?"

            "Sure thing, buddy," they said in unison.

            Harry continued to cry as he tried to rock and quiet him.

            Sirius came downstairs with the changing things and Remus returned a few minutes later with Frank Longbottom, who was holding his son Neville in his arms. Remus was carrying 2 dolls in a baby carrier.

            "Okay, Potter, I'm going to show the three of you how to properly change a baby's diaper."

            "Uh, Frankie old boy? Remus and I don't have children."

            "I take it you two are going to be spending a large portion of time babysitting Harry. Right, James?"

            James looked at his friends, slightly embarrassed; true he had picked them as babysitters without telling them, though that was before he found out they couldn't change diapers.

            "So, it's important that all 3 of you learn to do this. Alice and I took a whole class on baby-care before Neville was born."

            James could have kicked himself. That might have been smart to do.

            Frank was in command. "Spread the changing mat on the floor. Where's the changing mat?"

            Sirius asked, "I was supposed to bring that?"

            "Go get it!" Frank pointed at the stairs.

            "Yes, ma'am," said Sirius, sarcastically.

            "Hey, Siir, shut it, we need him," said James.

            "Correction, Jamesie, _you_ need him," Sirius called from the top of the stairs. He came back down with 2 large changing mats. He spread them on the floor.

            "You two put those dolls on that mat, one of you can work with each of them." The dolls were wearing diapers. "James and I will work off this mat with Neville and Harry. Lupin, Black, point your wands at the dolls and say 'Animus'. Do it."

            They pointed their wands at the dolls, "_Animus_!"

            The dolls started kicking, screaming, and crying.

            "Now there're _3_ crying babies!" Harry and the two dolls were making quite a racket. Neville only fussed a little.

            Frank instructed the 3 men in how to remove the diaper without letting it end up anywhere else or allowing it to drip anything anywhere. He showed them out to hold the infant's legs with one hand so the other was free to wipe. He showed them where the powder was supposed to go to prevent chafing. He even showed them how to get the diaper back on a kicking screaming baby. It wasn't until afterward that he bothered to show them how to calm down an upset infant.

            "Can you boys manage now?" he asked.

            "Yeah. You aren't going to mention this to Alice are you?" asked James.

            "Well . . ."

            "'Cause if it got back to Lily, she might think I'm a bad father who doesn't know how to take care of his kid. But I'm not a bad father, just a bad babysitter."

            "I won't tell, but you've got to promise that you'll actually try learning to do these things yourself sometime, or at least ask you dad over to come explain everything to you. It would help."

            "My dad?" asked James.

            "Yeah. He was the one who was teaching the class Alice and I took." He picked up Neville, the now silent dolls, and the baby carrier. He grinned at the other three. "Later."

            "How do you like that?" asked James, picking up Harry. "You'd think my dad would tell me about something like that."

            Remus cleared his throat. "He _did_ tell you, James. Lily wasn't feeling well and you skipped one session to come to a Quiditch game with me and Sirius and the other session to finish up some things for the nursery."

            James went red in the face. "Oh, right."

            Remus and Sirius helped themselves to sandwiches in the kitchen and brought one out to the living room for James before Disaperating.

            When Lily came home, feeling much better than she had in quite sometime, she saw James asleep on the couch with Harry in his arms.

            She woke him (James that is, not Harry) with a kiss.

            "So how was it?"

            "Oh, great. A piece of cake," he grinned.

            "So you want another one?" she asked.

            "Er, not quite yet."

            She grinned and kissed him again before taking Harry in her arms.

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I'm going to add another chapter about what Lily and Alice discuss at the spa.

Please review!


	2. The Girls

Here's the second part. It's the same day, but Lily and Alice's point of view.

Enjoy these two girls out for the day.

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            Lilly greeted her friend, "Alice, how are you?"

            "I'm great. You?" They hugged.

            "I can really use this day off, but I'm so worried about the boys."

            "They'll be fine. I'm not worried about Frank and Neville at all. At least, not much."

            "I don't know, I'm thinking I should have gotten James's mother to come watch Harry. It's not to late. Maybe I could at least arrange for her to check up on him."

            "Lils, you really do need today, don't you? Come on, once we get there you'll stop worrying and enjoy yourself." The two of them Disapperated.

            They were standing just outside the spa place when Lily said, "Be right back," and Disaperated. 

            Alice groaned.

            Lily appeared just inches from James. "Don't forget to heat his bottle for 4 minutes, don't let him drink it too quickly. He has to take his nap, but don't let him sleep too long or he'll be cranky, but make sure he gets enough rest otherwise he'll be cranky anyway. And—"

            "Lily, I can handle anything." He flashed her one of his most charming smiles, the smiles she had been impervious to when they were younger. It failed him again now.

            The Potter charm, she thought. She'd managed to resist it long enough in Hogwarts and she wasn't going to let it get her now. "If there are any problems, James, don't go to your bachelor friends. Go to Frank. Alice tells me his very good with the baby. They named him Neville. Isn't that a sweet name? Not as sweet as Harry, though of course."

            "Go on, Lily. You'll miss your appointment."

            "Spoil sport." She disappeared with a pop of air and reappeared next to Alice. "Sorry, won't happen again."

            "It better not. You need to relax. Let's go inside."

            They went inside, gave their names, and sat down in the chairs. Two beauticians put

            "How come you aren't worried about Frank and Neville?"

            "Do you remember a few weeks ago when we were at St. Mungos for check ups?"

            "Yes."

            "Well, don't you remember passing that poster that offered seminars on baby care for fathers-to-be?"

            "Yes! I tried to get James to go but he kept making excuses."

            "Well, I got Frank to go and I'm glad I did. Did you know James's dad was heading the class?"  

            "Really? Actually, I think that _does_ sound familiar."

            "This isn't helping you relax. Here, how about we discuss something else?"

            "Okay. What do you want to discuss?"

            "Something relaxing. Nothing about husbands or sons or work or Dumbledore."

            "Alice, that's all life _has_ been for so long, what else is there?"

            "Don't cry, Lils. It'll mess up your mask and your skin won't get rejuvenated. There's Dreams. Dreams of a better tomorrow. A better one. Let's talk about those. Huh? Something bright and happy."

            "Happy? Sometimes, I pick Harry up out of his cradle and I stand there and I rock him and I tell him about what it's going to be like, you know, when the war is over. I tell him about how he's going to have lots of friends and he'll go to Hogwarts. He'll get to know Dumbledore and all the teachers. He'll take tests, make friends, get in trouble, fall in love . . . he'll _live_. Alice, even if we, James and I, don't survive this war, we're going to make sure that Harry does survive. Dumbledore has been dropping hints. James and I are talking about going into hiding if things get worse."

            "Us too, Dumbledore has been saying things in that roundabout way of his. I do the same thing with my Neville, Lily. My baby. If anything ever happened to him I'd die. I know he'll be great some day. I can see it. Someday our boys will grow and become men. They will live, because we're here to protect them."

            "What color, ladies?" asked a voice, the girls couldn't see who because they had cucumbers on their eyes.

            "What?" they asked.

            "For your nails."

            "How about red and gold?" asked Lily.

            Alice smiled, "For our boys."

            The voice set her wand to paint the ladies' nails and moved on to the next costumers.

            "Are you scared?"

            "Yes, you?"

            "Yes."

            They were silent for a moment. Really what was there to say?

            "They'll be okay, I know they will," said Lily. And she meant it.

            "Funny, isn't it? The boys having the same birthday?"

            "Yeah."

            "Hey, I know it's a long way off, but what do you think to in 11 and a half months—"

            "—having a joint party for Neville and Harry! I think it's great!"

            They moved on to happier things, discussing party ideas and who to invite. "Well, there's the Bones's."

            "Yes, don't they have a little girl?"

            "Yes, only 2 months old."

            "Really? I wonder which of our sons will be marrying her," joked Lily.

            "Definitely yours, you said he looks just like James and we both know what a heartbreaker he was."

            "I thought you said Neville looked just like you. You're pretty."

            "But what boy wants to be _pretty_?"

            They laughed. It felt good. They needed to laugh.

            "Who else?"

            "I suppose we have to invite James's friends," Lily said dully.

            "Come on, you know they're alright," Alice said cheerily.

            "Remus is okay and Peter goes unnoticed but Sirius is a bit rowdy."

            "He's funny. You know the party never starts until he gets there."

            "That's the problem. This is going to be the birthday party for a pair of one year olds. Not James's bachelor party."

            Alice laughed, though it was more like a giggle. They had had such fun crashing that party. [A/N: Do I smell another story?]

            Someone came and cleaned the mad masks from their faces; their skin was now as soft as the skin on their sons' butts.

            "I guess our four hours are over?" Lily asked, a little disappointed.

            "Not quite. What to go and get some ice scream?"

            "Sure!" She giggled most uncharacteristically. "We sound like schoolgirls."

            "You're right. Come on."

            They went to Florentine's ice cream shop and ordered hot fudge sundaes. Old Florentine's son had graduated a couple of years ahead of them.

            They took their time eating and finally decided that their vacation from worry had to end some time and that it was time for them to go back to their husband's and sons.

            "I've left James with Harry long enough."

            "And I'm sure Frank misses me. I want to see my Neville again."

            They did stop and show each other pictures of Harry and Neville before Disapperating.

            She appeared in her doorway and saw James asleep with Harry in his arms. Their son. They had a son. She got an idea and walked over to the couch, kissing James until he woke up.

            "So how was it?" she asked, he'd sure tired out quickly.

            "Oh, great. A piece of cake," he grinned cockily.

            She looked down at Harry, then back to James. "So you want another one?" she asked mischievously.

            "Er, not quite yet," he said nervously.

            She grinned and kissed her husband passionately again before taking her son in her arms.

THE END 

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I really hope you liked this. If you did, please review it and make me feel special. I feel un-special right now.

Okay, other possible stories for me to do are:

James's bachelor party James and Lily's wedding The day James and Lily met Harry and Neville's 1st birthday party 

If you are interested in reading any of these, please let me know because I've got ideas for writing them.


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